Years ago I had the great fortune to get to know two wonderful women: Martha & Linda. We each had an interest in spirituality and meditation, in particular. We wanted to meditate together but living in different cities created a logistical challenge. Not to be stopped, Linda suggested we meet by telephone. So our journey with Tele-temple began.
Very early each morning, we would each dial into a conference line for our virtual gathering. After some brief hi-how-are-you's, we would settle into a silent meditation that would last anywhere from 30-60 minutes.
In the beginning, I tried to be a "good" meditator. Tried to do it "right". In my limited experience, that meant sitting uncomfortably cross-legged with eyes closed and trying to NOT think. (Have you ever tried to not think? It's not so easy. Even the command "Stop Thinking" is a thought.) Certainly there are experts, Buddhists, and others who know the secret to enlightenment through meditation -- I just knew I wasn't going to find it this way. That meant, letting go of how I thought it had to look, sound, & feel.
I started breaking the rules by sitting in a comfortable chair. That helped me relax. Next, I dared to open my eyes and started journaling during our meditation time. That seemed to help, too. After several weeks of journaling, I became bored with my writing -- nothing compelling to say. So, I would spend much of the time looking out my window at a beautiful tree, flowers on the trellis, or birds on the feeder. My critical mind would chastise me. "You are going about it ALL WRONG! You are wasting valuable time -- you could be productive and get some real work done. What was this nonsense, really -- staring out windows? Please."
Fortunately, I have coached enough people to know that when the critic in us is loudest, it is an indication that we are onto something very, very good. It is precisely the time to patiently stay the course. Miracles can happen when we do.
Soon enough my racing mind slowed. The list of 10-million-things-I-should-do began to recede and loose its hold. Then, something amazing happened: there was a Pause. It was a pause in my thinking, but more than that, it was as if a space opened, a space that seemed timeless. It was in this pause that I could really breathe. I could rest here. I could touch Beauty here in a way I had never even considered. Bliss started happening!
And, I wasn't alone.
Linda, an artist, began to do "contemplative painting". That is, during our tele-temple, she would go into an altered state and create art. Sometimes scribbles, other times charcoal drawings. These creations were transformative for her. Martha, being more kinesthetic, began to move. She would stretch or dance. She would hear the music in the silence and allow it to guide her. It was transcendent.
There may be many messages here for you. Maybe there is something about community -- being in relationships that support your growth. Or, perhaps there is something about noticing what rules you have made up and then giving yourself permission to break them. Could be the learning for you is to pay attention to that inner critic and allow it to be your ally in showing you where you are actually on track (remember: it raises the biggest stink when you are on the verge of something powerful). Or, maybe you want to start a meditation practice of your own creation. My sincere hope is that there is some jewel for you in this post.
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